So you fell in love with someone and it didn't work out? Fine, but what did you learn?
"Sometimes you are the toxic one in your story."
Let's be honest, it's alway's someone else's fault, right? Wrong. I learned this the hard way but finally. Since I was a child and I am the youngest, I am prone to getting my way. It is not that the word no isn't familiar but my reaction to it allows me to win in most situations.
I am 31 years old as I write this and have been in four serious long term relationships, all which were to yes men. A yes man is someone who wants to keep peace and therefore agrees with my tactics. I even married a man who thought my bad attitude was adorable, and that enabled my bad behavior even more.
What set me free?
Hearing someone I love tell me my wrong doings, and end the relationship. All the yes men before him were more afraid to lose me instead of help me heal. I decided to evolve into a better person instead of playing the victim, for myself not for the relationship.
The Honest Ugly Truth..
Pointing fingers begins in elementary school and we carry it with us into our adult relationships. Often times we are told that we should be loved for who we are, that all of our ugly and toxic parts have to be accepted. Although I do believe that is partly true, I believe even more so that when you truly love someone, you will face yourself to heal your own toxic traits.
Truth is, the relationships that come into our lives are meant to be our teachers. There is a reason why the people we love the most appear to be the most toxic for us. It is not that they are toxic, but we set expectations on them because we want "it", the relationship to go a certain way with them.
What if we loved someone enough and understood that we are meant to hear what they are telling us, about ourselves?
What if they came into our lives because the divine knew you would open your heart to this specific person?
What if Instead of holding on to your expectations, you accept the lesson they came to teach?
What if we really practiced love by opening our hearts, instead of defending and arguing with those we say we love the most?
Love is never lost..
The next time you find yourself loving someone, be present enough to enjoy your time.
We are all on our own journeys and we meet each other along the way. Some people stay longer than others. Relationships start and some do end, but when they do end the love is never lost. Your goal is to reflect on what happens in your relationships. Ask yourself what you could do to be a better friend, person or lover the next time around. This way you carry the love and the lesson with you, always. Some endings are more damaging than others but no matter how they end, the love was once there and for a purpose.
The world is full of people who are healing and none of us are perfect. The ones we love hurt us and we hurt them, but it is time to make a promise to ourselves and each other. If we really want love we must open heartily accept and heal our own ugly parts. Instead of battling each other we must accept that we are all here to heal and love one another.
because in all honesty,
"We are all just walking each other home." - Ram Dass